Z-Day 2010: Supply Explanations

"I'm gunna bring my nail polish, and my hairspray, and my-" SHUT UP! I can't take this irresponsible nonsense anymore! The only good thing about bringing all your shit is that, if it comes down to you and me...I will live. Why is that? My supplies have a near-perfect usefulness-to-weight ratio. Meaning, I have all the tools to survive, and I can still run fast and far. Let's dive in:

Duct Tape (1 lb) - For things that aren't attached but should be. This is well known as the most useful item in the world. Bonus: 2 rolls of duct tape

Hatchet (2.4 lbs) - For chopping wood. Firewood, barricade logs, wooden stakes. It also doubles as a hammer and triples as a weapon. Bonus: Blade Sharpener



Hand Saw (2.3 lbs) - More accurately, a hacksaw. This tool will help you cut wood, locks, hinges, pipes, cable and bone. I only hope that the bone is venison and not an infected limb. Bonus: Extra Blades

Rope (.4 lbs) - Rope is used for way more than tying shit. You can use it to pitch a tent, not get crushed when you cut down trees, to go up or down obstacles, or my favorite, set traps. Bonus: Carabiner and pulleys

Camping Shovel (3 lbs) - This tool is used for navigation, painting, and baking angel food cake... IT'S FOR EFFING DIGGING!!!! Bonus: Pick Axe

Plastic Garbage Bags (.5 to 4 lbs) - There are probably a few purposes for these, but the main purpose is drinking water. You will need one black bag to three clear bags. What you do is dig a hole (with your shovel!!) and cover the hole with black plastic forming a basin. Next, create a tripod out of sticks. Finally, cover the tripod with clear plastic making sure the bottom corners are tight. Result, water purifier. The sun evaporates the water in the black basin, the water condenses on the clear plastic and falls down the edges where you catch it in a cup, bucket, or another hole. Bonus: ...?

4'-5' 2x4 (2 lbs) - Drive a nail into that sucker and you have a 2x4 with a nail in it! Technology has not given us a better weapon. Bonus: Hockey Tape

Vegetable Seeds (near-weightless) - Eventually the Jerky will run out... Bonus: Indentured Servants

Additional Bonus Items: Pocket Knife/Multi-tool, Flint/Lint (for starting fires), grenades, Map/Compass

"Then there's Denny"

I saw this on Reddit this morning and it was too good not to share. The source is an anonymous post on 4chan:

"Okay, back story. I work at a cafe, and above the cafe there are apartments. Most of them belong to drug dealers and those who buy from them. Then there's Denny.

Denny is about 65 now, I believe. He's old, walks barefoot with a cane, wears a straw hat everywhere, and looks like Alan Moore, and usually refers to me as 'Peach.' He's traveled the entire world, twice, and still does. Usually he hitchhikes. He always tells me stories of adventures in exchange for coffee and a brownie.

So, it's winter, and it's been a pretty lazy day. Denny's sipping his coffee. I'm on my laptop when this dude with a horribly fake tan bursts in an demands a coffee. So, I work fast because I can see this dude's in a hurry, when I burn my hand pretty bad spilling some coffee on it. I can hear this dude give out a loud 'UGH.' So, I cool my hand up and give him his coffee, he snatches it from my hand and says the service here sucks. Jerkwad doesn't even pay me, and suddenly Denny's blocking his way out the door.

Denny: 'Scuse me sir, but you haven't payed Peach there for her work.

Jerkwad: Please tell 'Peach' it's not my fault she's clumsy as hell.

Denny: You've misunderstood me, sir. Peach over there works a lot harder than you, and you look like you can spare a dollar.

Jerkwad: Look, just stop blocking the door and I'll be on my way.

Denny holds up the cane, and pulls up the little jewel on top of it. HE HAS A MOTHERFUCKING SWORD IN HIS GODDAMN CANE. And you want to know what he says?

'I've killed better men than you, pay Peach her goddamn dues.'

Jerkwad freads out, runs back to the counter and shoves a fifty on it. Murmurs something like 'Keep the change' and runs out the door. Denny casually sheaths his cane sword, sits back down and orders a refill."