Survival++: The Swine Flu

In the 14th Century the Black Plague claimed between 75 and 200 million lives. Though disputed this number would translate into roughly 50% of the European population.

In the 16th Century almost the entire Inca empire was eradicated by smallpox as a result of the Spanish Conquest of the New World.

The Third Pandemic, started in China in the middle of the 19th century, spreading plague to all inhabited continents and killing 10 million people in India alone. During this pandemic, the United States saw its first case of plague in 1900 in San Francisco.

Today, The Swine flu, also known as H1N1 has claimed the lives of 3 Americans as of May 10th. These deaths were attributed to the lack of medical attention to the flu virus. MY GOD PEOPLE IT MUST BE JUDGMENT DAY!!!!!!!!

For several weeks now the major news organizations have completely ignored ongoing global and economic woes to maintain a tight watch on the ever growing Swine "pandemic". Because we care, The Boosh International is here to give you some much needed advice on how to weather this apocalyptic outbreak.

In order to understand how to survive we must first learn the symptoms of the killer N1H1, they are as follow:

-Body aches, especially joints and throat
-Mild coldness and fever
-Fatigue
-Headache
-Irritated watering eyes
-Reddened eyes, skin (especially face), mouth, throat and nose
-Mild Vomiting and diarrhea

Compare that to the Black Plagues wimpy symptoms that included but were not limited to (BY ANY MEANS), intense high fever, vomiting of feces, and bloody exposed boils that burst with sewage-smelling puss as your nervous system shut down, we would have been so lucky to live in 14th Century Europe.

The first thing you need to do in preparation to survive is buy a good box of Kleenex. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET THEM WITH ALOE!!!! Seriously, if you go the bargain route and by the 95 cent boxes of tissues from your local bulk goods store you will pay with a red, chaffed,horribly unattractive nose caused by the sandpaper quality of the tissue! Also, hot tea is a must, preferably the kind you buy at a specialty store that is organic, contains herbs from a country that has had at least 2 social revolutions, and comes in a recyclable box. You must pay top dollar for this tea but hey, you want to LIVE!! Taking Zinc supplements is also advisable but more important than any of the above it this, and pay attention, this could be the difference between life and death.....are you ready?????


you sure????

PRACTICE BASIC HYGIENE! Wash your hands before you eat and after you go to the bathroom. Cover your mouth when you cough and sneeze. And for Christs bloody sake dont double dip at the dinner party!!

Now you can prepare all you want and still catch this deadly hog killer. If you should be so unfortunate be prepared to fight an uphill battle of mild discomfort, reasonably high temperatures, a soar throat that isn't that different from when you were in grade school, and possibly mild vomiting and dry heaving. This torment could last up to a week with treatment. Oh and treatment is getting your ass in your car and going to the doctor for an antibiotic prescription.

All I can say is pray and stay safe. Turn on CNN, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, LOU DOBBS, ANDERSON 360, WOLF BLITZER'S SITUATION ROOM, THE GLENN BECK SHOW, HANNITY, BBC, AL JAZEERA, REUTERS, OR ANY OTHER for details and updates. God speed fellow Booshers. Make your peace now, for tomorrow we all may be......on our couch watching re-runs of Family Guy and eating chicken soup......

Chai T