What Grinds My Gears: Diagonal Walkers

I don't mind sharing pavement with pedestrians. It is totally understandable that, sometimes, a person needs to get to the other side of a street, I've done it a few times myself. I will follow MY end of the bargain and not run you over if you follow YOURS and get out of my way as quickly as possible, because let's face it... I am graciously sharing the road, a place where you have no business being. As you make your way across the street, my anger increases exponentially, as depicted in Figure 1.

Figure 1: Get Out of My Way vs. Pissed Off-ness

Notice that around 3.5 "Murderous Tendancy Units" we reach the "Action Threshold" and cross into the "Rectangle of Hospitalization." This is the point where I may get a crazy spasm in my legs and arms causing me to accidently push the clutch, shift into first and floor it! Even the elderly usually make it across the street clear of the threshold.

On to the inconsiderate dicks... FIRST OF ALL, if you are crossing diagonally, you are not in your designated crosswalk. I DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE MY PART OF THE ROAD WITH YOU!!!! Stay in your designated five-foot-wide space. Congrats, you have already pissed me off and lowered the Action Threshold. I'll spare you the mathematics, but if we look in Figure 2, forty-five degrees of inconsiderate behavior, in conjunction with the out-of-crosswalk shenanigans, puts the average pedestrian comfortably into the Rectangle of Hospitalization.

Figure 2: Diagonal Walking

Whether it's the "Greasy-haired White Trash," the "Middle-aged Spoiled Trophy Wife," or even the "Whateva-I-Do-What-I-Want Teeny Boppers" remember, you are borrowing MY road... and if you Grind my Gears by walking diagonally, you are gambling with your worthless life!