Survival++: Africanized Honey Bees

Focus, people...FOCUS! Bees are like liquid, living death. A swarm can infiltrate closed doors and nasal passages. Most bee species will turn around upon reaching a solid object, but not the Africanized Honey Bee. This species' alarm radius is much larger than European Honey Bees and they will pursue an intruder for unnecessary distances, with way more attack drones than European Bees. In short...they're like the Mongols...but insects.

A bee is literally an army of one. The hive has a sort of collective consciousness. They move together, work together...and ATTACK TOGETHER! If you kill an africanized honeybee, or if you are stung by one, it releases a pheromone saying, "Hive, AVENGE MY DEATH!!!!!!" And avenge, they will...

The "Alarm Pheromone"

Run...for God's sake, run! pick a direction away from the hive. If you don't know where it is, guess. Avoid trees, small wooden structures, and loud humming. Bees fly faster than you can run, but if you are lucky, you can outrun the pheromone's diffusion speed. When I say run, I effing mean it! Africanized honey bees WILL CHASE YOU UP TO 3 MILES! While you're running, pull out the stinger and try like holy hell to rid yourself of the pheromones.

Your best bet is to find a motor vehicle. If there are none around, look for shelter. If it's not air-tight, don't even bother, remember..."liquid, living death." They'll pour through cracks. PAY ATTENTION TO MY NEXT WORDS CAREFULLY! Don't. Take. Cover. In. Water. Africanized honey bees, unlike their un-africanized brethren, WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO SURFACE FOR AIR, then destroy you. Even if you, for some reason, have scuba gear, avoid water. Once alarmed, the bees will remain so for up to 24 hours.

So here it is...the showdown. You've been running for 25 minutes and God is no longer ammused by your prayers. You hear the swarm behind you...

...At this point, grab your smoke grenades! Smoke disrupts the bees' pheromone receptors. Deploy and keep running, this time head for a car wash. Soapy water kills bees. Unfortunately, science has not yet provided us with a practical "soapy water launcher."

Remember, preparation is always key. Stay in shape, know your surroundings, and it couldn't hurt to build an immunity to bee venom. Well, it will hurt at first. Actually, it will hurt a LOT at first. Finally, you can practice with agitating and escaping honeybees. They are exactly the same...in the same way that Athenians and Spartans are both human...