Driving Backwards and License Upgrades

I have made it clear that sharing the road with others grinds my gears: Exhibit A, Exhibit B. The latest run-in that I had really got me thinking about the people who I share the roads with. I'm not talking about "Hey, Wanna go halfsies on an ice cream cone" sharing. It's more like how you would share an elevator with a sweaty man.

So here's what happened: We were driving home the other night when I realized that I forgot my keycard to get into my apartment. I did what many do in this situation, and parked at the exit while my wife ran to get her keycard from her car. In the time the she was gone, someone entered the complex. This meant that I had about 10 seconds until the gate closed behind them. As you can see in the picture, there was no way to make a U-turn and still make it in time, so I put my car in reverse, and entered the complex backwards. Success!


"How is this a Boosh-Worthy story?" you may be asking. Well, my wife, at this time, was at her car where she overheard the following:

Little Girl Carving Pumpkin: "Mommy, why is that man doing that?"
Said Mommy: "Because he's an Idiot!"

Mind you, this is the same little girl who ran across the street with her sister in a stroller to pet my dog while "Mommy" was chatting with a friend and didn't realize her children were gone. But I'm an idiot for driving backwards.

Then, the lady driving out (I wasn't in her way at ALL!) Was staring at me with horror. If I had a picture of her face, you would think that she caught me painting her dog or something.

This is where my rant starts...What is the big deal about driving backwards?!?! Did that lady assume that I just floored it without looking? I was careful, especially because my wife was inside the complex. There couldn't have been a head-on collision, because the entrance is ONE WAY! There were no cars entering at the same time, and my reverse lights are brighter than some peoples headlights (you know who you are).

This isn't the first time I've gotten horrified stares for driving backwards, or revving too high, or doing a controlled power slide, or any of the other things that a qualified driver can do! What are my qualifications? According to my drivers license, I can parallel park, do a three-point turn, and STOP AT A STOP SIGN! Some people can't even do THAT and they have the same license as me.

You know what horrifies ME? When people can't pull out of a PARKING SPOT! I fear for my loved ones thinking, "How does this incompetent fool have a license?"

Bottom line, I should have a higher-class license, this license should reflect my driving experience, like a video game:

My Driving Resume:
LIE in rush hour: 10 EXP
Avoid accident: 25 EXP
In NYC: 50 EXP
Full-Sized Box Truck in NYC: 100 EXP
Full-Sized Box Truck in China Town: 200 EXP
Broken car for 800 miles: 300 EXP
Box Truck Cross Country: 300 EXP
Box Truck through the Rocky Mountains IN A BLIZZARD (seriously!): 1000 EXP

Bottom line, I will drive backwards if I feel I need to, and people should stop crying about it!

I'd really like to hear your comments on this one...