Know What Grinds My Gears? (Flagship Post!)

One night several months ago, in the midst of a particularly intense bout of solitary binge drinking, I took it upon myself to mentally list everything in the world that annoys me. At the time, the list included precisely 2,127 different people, places, things, words, philosophies, accents, sub cultures, and types of fruit. It has since grown at an exponential rate as i am daily exposed to new forms of idiocy.

'This is not healthy' I thought to myself through the drunken haze. 'Something needs to be done.'

Im not referring to my righteous indignation. Thats perfectly healthy. After all, human beings were meant to live in a constant state of varrying degrees of frustration and angst, right?

Im referring to keeping these feelings bottled up. Bottling is bad for the heart. Look at Freud. The man made a life of bottling feelings and then left this wretched earth forever remembered (and for some reason, admired) as the man who wanted to pork his mom. I for one am not willing to go the way of a bearded cigar smoking pervert. Sure i may have a beard. Sure i may smoke cigars. And yes, i may be a pervert, but....oh...um....i guess thats it.

So in a fit of alcoholic ambition, I created an outlet. After sacrificing a goat to Toby Keith (to this day i dont know where i got the goat, or why toby keith was in my basement), I vowed to one by one, write down everything about existence that bothered me and why and then to share it with whoever would read them via the most annoying and abrasive medium i could find.

Thus, 'What Grinds My Gears' was born in a scene not dissimilar to the birthing of Uruk Hai in the tunnels under Isengard. At the time i had only petty facebook at my disposal. Now the lords of the underworld have seen fit to allow the creation of this blog.

Prepare to be amazed and offended as my cohorts and i dazzle you with a literary orgy of sass that would make John Wilmott green with envy.

Look upon our works ye mighty, and Despair!

BOOSH!