What Grinds My Gears? By Chai T

Undisciplined evening jogger who wears Olympic quality running gear.

Two Grind My Gears in one day!?! I must live in an annoying place. So lets paint a picture. For the last few weeks Ive taken the same route home from teaching my martial arts class, and as such, end up driving past the same spots around the same time. Along my route I occasionally see this jogger. I say occasionally because in the 8 or so trips Ive made Ive seen him maybe 3 times, none of which occurred on a schedule, so I can tell he is not running in any sort of pattern. I digress. We will call him Lou. Lou is the poster child for hydrogenated corn syrup and prepackaged TGI Fridays appetizers. He has a rolling belly, a more than noticeable waddle, and greasy shoulder-length hair that would make any Vietnam-era hippie quiver with envy. If you saw Lou perusing the potato chip aisle with a look not unlike an Orthodox Jewish man during the disrobing of his new bride, you wouldn't be surprised. He is the personification of all that went wrong with the American food industry, but I am getting off topic.

So today, which is the day I decided enough was enough, I saw Lou running, no waddling swiftly, sweat cascading down his brow, all the while sporting bran new Ascis running shoes (which when I looked up just now, are over $300), Nike speedo-esque running shorts, and a $100 "aerodynamic" Nike running shirt...........Go ahead.......take it in..........finished?...ok...so someone please tell me why a man who doesn't realize that he has Cheeto cheese powder still looming on the corners of his mouth like the cud of a dairy cow requires this level of equipment to attempt at rectifying the slovenly and down right sadistic participation in binge eating. What ever happened to sweat pants and a look of shame as the fit good looking girls laughed as they passed you during their warm-up? We may never know. So here's to you Lou, and your feeble attempt at putting off that inevitable quadruple bypass. CHEERS!!

-Chai T