What Grinds my Gears? Mini 'That Guy/Girl'

You know what im talking about. The gaggles of pre-pubescent high rollers that thug about the local mall, theme park, or malt shop. Now i remember what it was like to be that age and how important being 'cool' and 'grown up' seemed, but folks, this is getting out of hand.Take the young ladies for example. Why are11 and 12 year olds walking around dressed like theyre on their way to dry hump tool bags at the Cell Block? This is creepy, annoying, and wrong on so many levels.

And i hate to be 'this guy', but here it goes: Parents. Come on! Im all for letting kids 'establish their own boundaries, make their own mistakes and live their own lives,' but there is a clear and distint line here people. In case you dont know where that line is, its where yer 11 year old daughter leaves the house wearring a mid riff bearring tank top with a playboy bunny on it. In case you still arent following me, do this. Log onto the internet. Go to yer favorite search engine, and do some research on exactly what it means to "superman" and/or "supersoak" a ho. After youve recovered from the initial shock, ponder the fact that not only does yer preteen daughter and her friends know all the lyrics and the accompanying dance to the Soulja Boy song, but she also has it set as her custom ring tone for that nice boy Bobby down the street shes been spending so much time with lately. Think about it....think about it....there it is! Now after youve rinsed the vomit from yer mouth and tears from yer eyes, regroup and formulate an effective plan for handling yer business.

Now as for the mini 'That Guy's', this is more annoying to me personally. Why? Because women are more mature then men. Most girls will eventually grow out of the wannabe Paris Hilton phase, but guys are different. If yer a tool at age 12, chance are ye'll be a tool at age 21, 35 and 47 as well.

So listen up DJ Backseat. We all know yer texting yer mom on that Boost Mobile cell phone to pick you and yer 'crew' up from the mall so you can make it to the 5:30 showing of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, and we arent impressed. Try and see things from my perspective here junior: You have 2 years before you start getting acne, 4 years til you can drive (with an adult), 6 years before you can buy cigarettes, porn and lottery tickets, and 9 years before you can legally walk into a bar. By that time, those 'rinestone' studded Jackie-O sunglasses you dropped a cool 30 bucks on at Hollister will have gone the way of the Trucker hat. But that wont stop you from wearring them, will it?

I sometimes think the ancient Spartans had it right. Had these mistakes been hurled off a cliff at birth as Zeus intended, we wouldnt have people like Kevin Federline walking around today. But since for some reason this is now socially frowned upon, i propose the following: Whoever the primary male role model in the lives of these miscreants are, grab yer scrawny charge by the scruff of the neck, drag him into the backyard, and proceed to beat the douchebag out of him with the garden hose. if you dont, hes gonna grow up to be a jager-bombin, pink polo-wearrin, collar poppin, new haircut-havin, man tan-sprayin, tribal tattoo-havin, too much abercrombie and fitch cologne-wearrin, grindin his piece of every piece of ass that walks in that door and then posting the pictures on myspace toolbag. And thats not good for anyone.