New Segment: Survival++

Ah, how glorious it is to bathe in the gene pool. I have my father's eyes, my grandfather's sense of humor...If you continue back enough, I have my "very great" grandfather's bi-pedal step, and my even-greater grandfather's central nervous system. Keep going and my family tree looks very different, all the way back to single-celled organisms and gooey clumps of protein. Sure, my history is very diverse, but every one of my biological ancestors had one thing in common...they didn't effing DIE before passing on their GENES!

Skip to 2009, every one of my chairs is soft and fluffy, I am never more than 10 seconds away from the Internet. My "Mr. Rogers Mentality" is ever-present and I believe that today will be the same, safe day as tomorrow...

I COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG AND NEITHER COULD YOU!!!

Mother Nature is HELL EFFING BENT on killing you and every piece of DNA in your body. Stop and look at her creations...Scorpions, Cobras, Vultures, Bears. Think you can survive a bear attack? What if a rattlesnake bites you? WHEN it happens, will you panic for the last 20 seconds of your 3.5 Billion year existence, or will you tie a tourniquet or saw your leg off and live for another 3.5 Billion?

My job, NAY, my responsibility from here forward is to ensure YOUR survival against all of Mother Nature's horrors. Stand tall, my friends, at the top of the food chain, live to enjoy another cigar and another brandy. This is Survival++!